Post-Graduation Depression and Anxiety : You're not alone

It's okay not to have it all together

Interestingly enough, I began writing this article back in November but stopped to pursue other works. Still, I am not sure if this is an opportune or ironic blog post given the circumstances of our world at the moment. The class of 2020 is battling a myriad of negative emotions right now: anger, frustration, sadness, hopelessness, etc. due to the cancellation of their last semester and May graduation. These sentiments are likely to be exacerbated by the uncertainty of our economy, employment opportunities, graduate school funding, and so on. While this article wasn't written in response to the COVID-19 crisis, I think it's still applicable.

When I graduated, I had a full-time job lined up at one of the globe's leading science institutes and I was excited despite having my 'plan A' fall through. I recognized that I was privileged to have found a job as many of my peers were struggling to balance job interviews, relocations, and finances at the height of the spring semester all while being shamed by college exit surveys that ask you a million times what your plans are after graduation.

When I began working, I was incredibly anxious; the working world wasn't new to me (I had held a job since 16) but it was odd not having "student" as my primary occupation. Being the new girl on the team, I was frequently asked to introduce myself and each time I scrambled not to follow the standard formula I had practiced for the last 4 years: "I'm a ____ year at UNC majoring in ________ with a minor in ____." Those first 6 weeks of working were exhausting partly because I still lived an hour away from my job, but mostly because my whole world had been turned upside down. My friends no longer lived minutes away and if they did, they were dealing with their own life changes such as relocating, moving in with significant others, and starting graduate programs. Bills were accumulating and I quickly learned that my gross income was significantly different than my taxed income. I was shocked by the idea that I had to take paid time off to do ordinary things that were only open from 9-5 pm (oil changes, doctor's appointments, bank trips). So, despite my job being intellectually fulfilling, I was spiritually and emotionally drained. I missed my friends, I missed my free time, and I missed being guided by coursework and other markers that had defined my life progress for the past 22 years.

Truthfully, most people will experience some sort of emotional crossroad after graduation. We grow up hearing that the "real world" is different from our college bubble, but rarely do we receive guidance and insight into how to deal with these abrupt changes. Below, I am going to address some of the common things which lead to post-graduation depression and how to combat them.

I. Job (or lack of)

The problem: Oh, the dreaded job search. I remember thinking how much of a failure I would be if I didn't have that coveted research position by May 12. It's important to realize that this is not the case for the vast majority of college graduates. Honestly, for most majors, finding an entry-level job is extremely difficult. In fact, this is the most difficult time you will ever have finding a job. Millions of college graduates across the globe are all searching for positions at the exact same time- all with similar experiences, grades, and skills. It's a scary and intimidating process. When searching for a job, you will experience rejection...many times. At my university, there were countless job fairs and recruiters for business majors but hardly anything for those in the social sciences; it was common to see B-School seniors touting job offers as early as October. Furthermore, not having a job, especially in the midst of a pandemic, is nothing to be ashamed of.

What to do about it: There's plenty of things to do if you do not find your dream job before graduation. The first is to take "filler" job. No shame in working as a grocery store bagger to reign in some extra cash while preparing to launch your career. The second is to go the extra mile while applying. If those large corporate job portals aren't working out for you (which they usually won't), start emailing people directly or connecting on websites such as LinkedIn. I have found various opportunities by engaging with my field via social media and attending webinars. One of my biggest breaks actually came from responding to a tweet! Your networks can do wonders for you-companies hire people, not resumes. The more connections you make, the better it will serve you. The third is to maintain personal goals and remind yourself of the big picture. No job? Start volunteering, start a blog, start a video series, nurture friendships, get fit. Success is multi-faceted and as different parts of lives ebb and flow in productivity, we have the power to focus our attention on multiple areas at a time. Your career exists as part of a whole-don't forget your end goal.

II. Identity

The problem: I mentioned before that my job was intellectually stimulating yet I still felt lost. Your life up until now has been marked by classes, grades, and clubs. Shaking that student identity is something that will take time and perseverance. Like many students, I did well in school and used my GPA and campus involvements as evidence of my human decency. After graduation, however, indicators of success become much more subjective and murky. This is precisely why the 20s are so challenging. Some graduates get married, others start jobs, some move countries or states, and others begin graduate programs. On the one hand, things are exciting because you really get to define who you are away from the pressure of GPA and campus visibility. On the other hand, the lack of structure can be overwhelming.

What to do about it: First, it's okay to grieve. Loss demands to be acknowledged and we have to recognize what is different in order to reconcile it. Acknowledge that your life has changed and that this can be scary. The best advice I can offer is to begin a list. Write down things you are good at (strengths), things you can improve on (weaknesses), and things you would like to explore. Then, in a separate list, write down your likes and dislikes. Start choosing items off your list, connecting them together, and creating goals. I knew that I was good at writing but needed to improve on my procrastination. I also liked the idea of volunteering but disliked fundraising. I then set the goal of finding an organization I could volunteer with in my new city by managing social media and health communication. Alternatively, you can make a list of areas in your life that are important to you and creating goals within those areas. For me, I wrote down 12 areas of my life that I valued (friendships, relationships, career, spirituality, writing, graduate school, health, etc.) and set tangible goals in each category. The next step is action. Each month I took items from my lists that I would need to accomplish. Before I knew it, I had expanded my knowledge, skills, connections, and overall increased my life satisfaction.

III. Relationships:

The problem: I know this is a career-oriented website but hear me out. Relationships are hard. I'm not referencing romantic relationships (although those do have the power to make or break you professionally). I'm talking about friendships, relations with family, mentors, supervisors, and colleagues. I didn't realize it in college, but most of my relationships were...effortless. My friends were the main source of my emotional connectedness in school. I spent the most time with them and all other relationships were secondary. In the working world, most of your time is spent with your colleagues and for a lot of entry-level jobs, this means spending time with your superiors. Luckily, my colleagues provided me with the support and mentorship I only dreamed about. Still, going from spending hours with friends to a third of your day with people twice your age is a change and breeds loneliness. When not with co-workers, I often found myself alone, in a new city clinging to books and the internet for comfort. Loneliness is real and results from feeling out of touch with other people.

What to do about it: Relationships take work. Your friendships will not look the same once you graduate and they require effort and understanding to sustain. Ideally, we have 8 hours for sleep, 8 hours for work, and 8 hours of free time. While this is rarely the case, it is a cool way to think of your time. You have to be intentional- your time is precious. I often schedule phone calls with friends or set reminders to reach out. I also searched for ways to get connected with new people in the area through volunteer organizations, professional groups, and other recent graduates I may not have been super close to in college. So yes, relationships take work, but they also take courage. Courage to put your feelings first, the courage to reach out and connect with others, and the courage to be bold and vulnerable. Emotional connectedness leads to security, and security leads to living your best life.

IV. Comparison:

The problem: I've hinted at this in just about every post I've written about thus far because it's THAT important to get a handle on. After graduation so much will change. You may lose your sense of self and social networks which render us vulnerable to comparison. Seriously, in college we receive validation through our grades, opportunities left and right to get involved, friendships, etc and all of a sudden it's taken away from us. And because, as I previously mentioned, the 20s are so disjointed with some people getting married and others pursuing school, etc., it can be hard to find which meter to measure your success.

What to do about it: Comparison is natural. And, in some cases, can be healthy when it motivates us to up our standards and inspires us to do better. But in most cases, comparison is harmful as the standards we are using are usually unattainable. Similar to Item 2, I suggest journaling. Each day, I write 3 things that went well, 3 things that I accomplished, and 3 things I am thankful for or looking forward to. It helps keep me grounded. Soon, you'll have a whole list of items you can reflect on when you're feeling unaccomplished and inferior. Similarly, keeping a running "gratitude inventory" allows you to be present and thankful for the things that you have, thus reducing the need to compare. We compare when we feel inadequate and keeping notes will make it harder and harder to support our inferiority complexes. The last piece of advice I can give on this topic is that no life is perfect and no, the grass isn't as green on the other side. We all want what we can't have, and we all assume that our feelings of frustration with our own lives are unique and not a common human experience. Bloom where planted, seize every opportunity 100%, and take pride in every action you take so that when you look back, you have no regrets.